memories

my memories are the best thing i have. these memories are associated with different places, cuisines, movies, events, but most importantly music! i can chose to go back to any time period by just playing the apporpriate music...

i'm listening to enrique iglesias's escape.. "you can run you can hide but you cant escape my love... " was something someone used to sing me quite often. we used to roam around the city, and in her car this song used to play almost all the time....

back in the good ol' days... i saw you as soon as i entered in the class, waiving me to come and sit beside you and then whispering "how was your day, tried calling you so many times!"... and wait for the class to end so that we can finally have some nice conversation together, and then going back into the empty classroom to have some nice privacy...

at the end of the day you'd ask if i came in my car to the university, and i would lie that i havent got my car today, just so that i could get a ride back home with you! and after being dropped home, the music to my ears would come to a stop and i'd take a cab back to university to fetch my car!

stupid me! :)

my friends

i have a long list of friends. from my school, my college, my two universities, my various work places, my neighbourhood, and some a good number of other friends who cant be directly associated with any of these places.

of course, i am not in touch with each and every of my friend, but i sure do miss them and remember them. so if any of my friend is reading this, whom i am not in touch with, please be assured, i keep you near and dear in my heart, even though these worldly distances may be keeping us far apart.

i'm listing down the name of those people, who have been close to me as on 30th may 2005.

1. rizwan riyaz
2. omair shareef
3. dr. zubair ayyub
4. rashida soni
5. madiha saleem
6. sarah mansoor
7. nida salauddin
8. kashif anwar
9. umar siddiqi (you almost thought i forgot you huh? guess what? i almost had! lolz)
10. afsheen bakhshi
11. .. i am missing peoples name.. there are lots of other people who are very near to me.. but i guess i've not met you guys lately so that's why your name is not here! i miss u all.
12. qamar abbasi! yup!
13. yasir, my lil' bro, my best friend
14. bhaijan, my bro, my second best friend. lolz.
15. baji! my sweetest friend!

and i do feel very proud on each and every one of you. i have the chosen friends and the best friends. you guys are all gems and have talents whcih just cant be explained in simple words!

thanks for being there for me.

untitled

with every moment passing, my thinking, my philosophies, my believes are shaping into something better. i’ve started believing that life is about being happy. there will be challenges and there will be great obstacles and even complete blockades. but i guess that’s the whole fun part about it.

life is just too short and unpredictable to be wasting away even a single moment being sad. enjoy your life as much as you can because you will not be given an opportunity to turn back time. just take every moment and consider it a beautiful gift. and count yourself as a very, very lucky person because you have been granted this extended gift.

routine day

i'm partially bored while still enjoying my vacations in karachi. see, thing is, i have lots of time at hand, and very few issues to attend to.
so most of the time, i dont know what to do. i just roam around in the house first, turning on the TV, and then going through all the 88 channels twice, and then turning off the TV again. this whole excersize takes about 10 minutes max. seldom do i find anything good on tv. and the star plus is the most yuckiest channel. everytime i turn it on, i see some plastic coated aunties and girls fighting over pity issues of the 18th century. i just know it is going to be one of my those days when i cant find anything decent coming on the TV.
then i roam around in the house, turn on my computer monitor and start chatting with some friend. i get bored within 15 minutes again. the chat is always the same, but with different people. what's up dude, how are you doing? havent seen you since lots of days. and so on. i turn off the monitor again, pretty quickly.
i fiddle with my cordless phone and with my cell phone. i run through the list of my friends in the back of my mind and chose some appropriate person to call whom i havent spoken for quite some time. i call him up, and the typical is always spoken.. i say "i've been really busy dude, too much work and all, just got some time at hand and thought of calling you up" and so on. this activity again takes some 15 minutes.
i've successfully spent some 45 minutes of the hour. the rest 15 minutes are spent walking within the house thinking of what to do.
and then again, the whole process is repeated. i turn on the tv, and start toying with the remote...
what wonderful vacations!!

damn!

i hate being ill! it's just so much waste of time. you always feel fatigued to do anything. all you do is just lie in the bed and look at the ceiling with some random coughing.
your body is burning hot, yet you feel cold. you have 2 blankets over yourself, and you are perspiring. you cant take off the blankets because you feel too cold otherwise. all you do is keep drinking lots of water. and the water too, has a very ugly taste!
your breathing is also not normal. you take deep breaths and you become noisy. you cant sleep because of your own breathing sound half the time.
and the worst part of being ill is: there is noone to take care of you.
you have to be strong, go to hospital yourself, have your medicine yourself, else you will just keep on rotting in this condition!

an unwanted email

dear maYa

i know i shouldnt be writting this email to you. but i cant help it. i miss you. i miss you too much to contain myself any longer. you have no idea how i feel. even i didnt know after so much time lapse, i would still have the same feelings for you. maya, i guess we just were meant for each other, but it's just not fair we're not together.

i'm listening to coldplay at the moment. do you remember that time? maya? the songs that we listened together. the moments that we spent together. do you remember any of that? do you cry? do you realize our paths are going seperatly? does your heart ache when you think of all that time, and how we'll never be able to spend a single minute with each other now? all those promises we made of being together forever? how do you survive? tell me... how are you living? how do you manage? how can you possibly keep yourself so much occupied with your life? i'm surprised at your ruthless attitude.

anyways. i know you wouldnt bother to ask. but i'm doing fine. carrying on my life without you. thinking about you almost all the time. i'm broken and hurt from inside. i've broken up from all my friends and links that had the slightest association with you. i've got a new group of friends. i've even left this city.

but today when the plane landed back here, i could just feel you all around me. the memories of good old time haunted me! i felt like listening to your voice. i felt like coming up and meeting you. but i couldnt do all that. all i did was head back home, tired, fatigued, wishing so much that you'd be there for me.

this city haunts me. it is full of your memories. everywhere i go, everyplace i visit, reminds me of how we had spent hours sitting here and talking about our future. why? all i want to ask is why did you have to go and leave me? are you happy? how can you be happy? your love cries for you, how can you be satisfied with that? you said you'd never leave me. you said we'd be partners forever, in good times and bad times. maya. how do you have a peaceful sleep in the night?

something really strange happened today. i promised myself not to think about you for even a minute. i promised to keep myself very busy. i got my car and went to do some shopping for myself. i picked a friend of mine after his office hour to hang out with him as well. as soon as i entered the mall, God played this trick on me. I saw you coming, maya, right in front of me. you wore dark blue glasses. you looked classy. you had make up all over your face, you had an arrogance around you. you didnt seem to have the slightest guilt feeling in your heart. you walked proudly. you had a smile too on your face. i dont know if you deliberatly ignored me, or you just didnt see me standing there right in front of you. you just passed by me. you had the same j-lo fruit fragrance! and you left the mall from the same door i had entered a minute back. i had a mild heart attack right there i guess.

my breathing stopped for a while. emotions overwhelmed me. my knees started shaking and i couldnt stand up any more. i dont know why that happened. i never knew love can be fatal for your heart as well.

tell me. maya. was that a fake smile on your face? do you feel proud about your past? does it give your ego a boast?

anyways. i know i shouldnt be writting this email to you. what's the use of bringing back the old grieves. you dont love me. neither do you want to hear from me that i love you. but i'm so sorry. i'll always be in love with you. u've captured my present and stolen my future. i'm helpless.

tribute

i guess now i really learnt why they call music the food for your soul. i spent about 30 days without music at some barren place. and i dont have words to explain how much i missed good sweet music.
it magically magnifies any feeling you are going through. if you are happy, listening to upbeat music will make you dance. if you are relaxing, slow soothing music will relax your mind and body. and so on. it acts just like drugs, which reminds me of something i have to go and take care of ... c u later!

lost

i am lost. i have no thoughts. i am stoic. i dont have feelings anymore. i dont feel joy. i dont laugh. i dont cry. i dont know what is happening to me. i've been feeling empty since quite some time now.

does my life need a change? what type of change?

why am i so boring? why are you reading such a boring blog? :S

in search of oil

we grabbed the shovel, and kept on digging… and digging… and digging… but we couldn’t find oil.

 

so we decided to say good bye to this place and head back home.

 

i’ll be home very soon. see you there folks.

my first day at work

yup. that’s how i feel. i showed up at work at 7 in the morning and right now it’s 8 in the night. 13 hours of straight work. amazing! i’m loving it.

 

 

 

nostalgic

i miss the music. i forgot to bring my music system here and I yearn for the sweet symphonies.  but the good news is, i’ll be going back home in a week so no worries!

the songs that i miss the most are…

1. dr.jones by aqua
2. everybody by backstreet boys
3. i wanna party by venga boyz

 

lolol…no just kidding. I am so happy over here to be actually safe from these songs.

 

I am humming ‘black’ by pearl jam at the moment.

 

and does someone know what is the price of ipod in karachi?

 

this is not a heading

this is not a blog.

 

 

 

breakdown

if u wake up till 2 every night, u will not be able to wake up at 7 every morning. damn! i got late today at work. no more late sittings till I get bored again.

sleepy head

i am sleeping at 2 every night and am waking up at 7 every morning. this is making a really bad impact on my physiological system. i am so very sleepy at the moment, just feel like lying down and snoozing.

 

i’ve finally found a really cool entertainment for myself. party every night in my friends room with blazing music. sigh.. no girls at this party in this jungle… hehee….

 

missing karachi! L

 

everyday

not as in the everyday everyday.  but the nestle everyday: the delicious milk powder. every time i make tea for myself, i look left and then right across the corridor to make sure nobody is watching. then i quickly gobble 2-3 spoons of that everyday milk powder. and make tea with a happy satisfied biggg smile on my face.

 

i fear the day when someone would come and try to have a conversation with me while i have that white powder stuffed in my mouth…

 

all in a days work

about a week back, a native guy came into my office for some work. we started talking casually and i came to know that he had just bought a brand new imported toyota camry. but the clothes he wore were total rags and they defied the logic of such a guy affording such a car! even his nature of job was to look after daily routine labor work. i wondered what his part time job could be, because with his main job he simply cant afford such expensive car models.

 

i asked my boss and he gave me an explanation: these people keep their own livestock, dont educate their children, and have no expense of water/gas/electricity or medicine. so whatever they earn, they save! and when they have some hefty amount, they either buy new cars, or get a new wife.

 

today i met that guy again. this time, i started interrogating him. he said he has 3 wives and is getting married again. wow! again! out of curiosity, i asked him which bank does he use to keep his money. he told me a very sad incident. he said he buries his savings in a wooden box in one of his homes. year before last year, he had to dig out the box to take out some money, but somehow ants had made a colony there and the ants had also eaten a big chunk of his currency notes.

 

how very sad. i made my most empathetic face; while my thoughts drifted away… only if ants could have bought lots of gulab jamans rather than gulping the notes…