Do you agree?

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love."

-Washington Irving

untitled

--another short story by me--

She looked like an angel in the white dress she wore. Her face was glowing pale in the candlelight, which made her look even more beautiful; unbelievably beautiful. She whispered the softest, beautiful words that I yearned to hear. She told me how much she loved me, she spoke her heart out.

She took my hands, held them firmly, and looked into my eyes. I glanced up into her eyes and saw a sea of love for me in her sparkling emerald-like eyes that were now flooding with tears. She knew how difficult it would be for us to be together. I held her hands; more firmly; reassuring our never ending love and care for each other.

No words were spoken; our eyes did all the conversation. No words were meant to be spoken; silence spoke it all. It was a hapless love between two people who were not meant to be together.

I caressed her hand. Blushing, she looked down; tears now flowing down her cheeks. Colors came and dissolved in her face. I couldn’t see those tears; I brushed the tears off her face. She looked at me, gave me a sweet yet fragile smile. She giggled, softly, impulsively, as if laughing at her fate.

I didn’t know what to say; maybe I was dumb. I didn’t know how to make her happy. I so much wanted to give her all the happiness, but she was bound by her own self; her own believes. She was crumbling inside. Her soul was dying; yet I couldn’t do anything to comfort her.

The space between us was shrinking. Somehow the darkness kept on creeping; surrounding us totally. It seemed as if we were the only two souls alive around. The music had all of sudden stopped. All I could hear was her heart beats. I reached up and stroked her silk-brown hair. She took my hand in hers, affectionately, and closed her eyes feeling my hand as if trying to capture the whole moment in her mind; bringing back the memories of the past. The candle kept on burning, hours passed by in seconds; she kissed my hand before finally letting it go.

She swept her tears again, suddenly standing up; realizing she had to go back home to her husband and child; her boring life awaited her. She left and I stood up with weak, shaky legs; took a deep sigh, and headed back home to my wife who was probably knitting a sweater for our unborn child.

We left, without saying a good-bye; we both knew this wasn’t our last meeting.

happy, not satisfied yet!

I'll be happy only when I am head of directors in the PPL (pakistan petroleum limited) board. That's the latest in my life. Am loving it totally! :) :) :) :)

believer

we've all heard of classic old love stories like romeo-juliet, heer-ranjha, etc; but still surprisingly lots of us dont believe in love at all. the unbeleivers argue that in this modern world, people dont fall in love like they used to do back in the good ol' days. even if love knocks on their door; they turn it down.

then there are the believers. despite knowing what happened to those poor love-struck people, they still tend to fall in love. just like a moths love for flames; they want to die in love, literally.

unfortunately, or fortunatly, i'm from the believers category. i know how much it hurts to get burnt; unbelievers can laugh at me, but i wonder how much empty their lives would be without love.

so, a believer or an unbeleiever, what are you?

disease

You left a stain
On every one of my good days
But I am stronger than you know
I have to let you go

-- by Matchbox Twenty

This is also one of my favourite songs. Amazing!

peter drucker

now i am impressed by this dude. he is fairly called the 'father of management' because of his achievements. his vision of management is the belief that the most important asset of any organization is its people!
now.. this is where i come in! man, i'm the most important asset no doubt. and since i am so important, i feel i should relax a lot so that i dont fall ill or get tensed with too much work. i strongly believe atleast 2 holidays in a five-day working week is essential for everyone, especially for me. atleast a brand new toyota corolla (chauffer driven) should be given to me so that i dont get any problem in conveyance. i should be given atleast two female assistants too, after all it's hard to manage so much work all by myself. free phone, internet, is an obvious necessity because i have to stay in touch with the people in market.
but unfortunatly, companies in pakistan dont really believe in drucker's principles. that's why we are suffering and that is exactly why we are where we are today!

a medioce evening of my life

--it's just a short story i wrote--

It was a rainy day in the city, and that meant traffic jams. And there I was, crawling towards my destination in my small car among thousands of other commuters in their vehicles cussing the rain and the season. The most painful traffic intersection was just before the place where I had to go to attend my evening class which was about to start in 3 minutes exactly.

I looked at my wrist, and my rusty old wristwatch told me it is already 5:38 pm. This means if I don’t reach my classroom in next 2 minutes, I’ll miss the attendance roll call. And the roll call was all that mattered to me anyways, because the institute had a really strict policy on regular class attendance. And what other incentives could anyone possibly have of attending the class? Perhaps the teacher, she was young and beautiful! Well, to be honest, she was better than all the other girls in the class, so it was nice watching her teach us. I wonder if she is married. She has to be, she isn’t that young now. I wonder how lucky her husband would be…

HONK! “Hey, move on!!” The car driver behind me had just forgotten to remove his hands from the horns. I notice the traffic signal in front of me is green and I am the reason for all the honking and cussing of people behind me. How cool!

5:44 pm. I rush towards the classroom. Take the stairs and jump the giant steps two at a time. Just before entering the class, I take one look at myself, straighten my shirt and try to tuck it inside my blue jeans with my hands. No use, I will still look shabby, but someone told me I look manly and better when I am not tidy, oh well! I remind myself to apply design gel on my hair next time; at least my hair should depict some decency if my clothes don’t.

I enter the classroom. Look around for an empty chair. To my surprise, I couldn’t find any empty chair while the teacher tends to ignore my presence and continues teaching. Man! I get out of the class, and think of going back home since I’ve already missed the attendance; but nah; I’ve drove too much to go back home in that same traffic. I search around the corridor and see two vacant chairs. I take one and move towards the classroom door. Just almost at my classroom door, I see a girl entering the room. And I start counting 1..2..3…4…Ha! It took her 4 seconds to figure out there is no empty chair in the classroom. Well she should do some labor too to fetch herself a chair. But, then, the stupid gentleman inside me awakens and reminds me to give this chair to the poor girl. But no, I don’t know her at all and nor is she beautiful enough to be getting this chair… no way… no sir…

“Err… no chair inside the classroom, eh? Why don’t you take this and I’ll get myself another one from right over there!” I find myself giving her my chair and pointing in the corridor towards the other empty chair.

“Hey, thanks, traffic jam got me late too” She said with a smile that I didn’t find attractive.
“Yea, traffic in Karachi really is getting worse day by day. Hey, I’ll catch you in the classroom; don’t want us to miss the teacher’s lecture!”
“Oh yes!” And she opens the classroom door and moves in. I notice her voice is beautiful.

Wow! Seems like this evening is going to be different. Maybe I can have some fun with her. “Come to think of it, she is not bad for a bad purpose” the devil inside me whispers in my head.

So I take the other chair, open the classroom door, and quietly take a seat beside her in the back of the classroom. During the whole 1-hour lecture, I try to find some words to break the ice between the two of us, but couldn’t.

Eventually, the bell rang, every one of us stood up, and scattered somewhere. And so did I.

Sigh, I moved toward my car; thinking that I really don’t have any ability to hook up with a girl. Cursing myself that I just don’t know how to talk with chicks!

---- And this is an incident that happened 4 years back. Little did I know back then that the effects of this very incident will linger on in my life for years to come. And now that I think of it, it is hard to believe how I got love struck by that silly little girl, and how I messed up my dreams, my future plans, and how I broke my engagement with my lovely fiancée; just because of her.

I wish, oh so dearly, that mediocre evening in my life had not occurred. Or is any evening in my life really mediocre? I firmly believe it isn’t!

sitting and sulking

back in the days of giki, when i used to play games on computer, i didnt think i was sitting/sulking and wasting my precious time. but over here, i am doing that! too much computer games is not good for me anymore.
back then, computer games were thrill! there was immense competition amoungst us as we used to play on lan. human emotions were involved. when we lost, there was humiliation, and on wins, there was joy. beating a tough player in his favorite game meant sleepless nights cuz of excitement.
but now, i'm just playing with stupid artificial intelligent computer. losing or winning doesnt matter. i just know the computer is soo stupid that he'd bring all his forces on the path where i have laid all my tesla coils!
sigh... i'm sitting and sulking and hearing the... bzzz of tesla coil while i sit here writting this.

trying

Could you let down your hair
And be transparent for a while
Just a little while
See if your human after all
Honesty is a hard attribute to find
When we all want to seem like we've got it all figured out
I may be the first to say that I don't have a clue
I don't have all the answers
And god I pretend like I do just
Trying to find my way
Trying to find my way the best that I know how

Well I haven't memorized all the cute things to say
But I'm working on it
Maybe I'll master this art for today
I'd I qoute all the line off the top of my head
And you'd be
I dont understand all of these things Ive read
Im just trying to find my way
Trying to find my way
Trying to find my way the best that I know how

Well I havent drawn it or figured out quite yet
But even if it takes my whole life
To get to where I need to be
And if I should fall to the bottom of the end
I'll be one step back to you
I'm trying to find my way
Trying to find my way
Oh, I'm trying to find my way
Trying to find my way

-- by lifehouse.

a painting

this was made by a friend of mine. just sharing.

thin line between love and hate

it's a really cool iron maiden song. but it is also very true. your worst enemy sometimes, can be no one else than your best friend at one time.
you start expecting too much from your close friends, and when sometimes they dont come up to your set standards of expectations, you feel as if you have been betrayed. and then the crises start.
so my advice: keep close friends, but never keep high expectations.

brand new day

i still havent figured out what really gets me started and what puts me off. for no reason, i am happy today. i dont know why; but maybe happiness is in the air. maybe someone has leaked laughing gas in my room; probably that explains the reason of me smiling. or maybe it is just some other reason.
if only i knew ... sigh. the reasons of my happiness, as i see can be 1) my boss hasnt come to work today! 2) had a good sleep in the night 3) had wonderful breakfast 4) no worries at all 5) have got a future target in life to achieve which seems very much possible 6) dont have enemies and my relationship with friends are getting better 7) a friend calls to ask how i'm doing! :)

hey... that does explain it.. so many things to keep me happy! thank you God for that! :)

lakson tobacco company

this is where i work

karting

this weekend was really special and full of events, and the best event was karting.

the drive all the way till toll plaza was not very tiring because the whole time we gossiped while driving; but once we reached there, we had to wait more than an hour to get our turn on the track. the wait was not such pain as watching the amateur drivers zooom past us while we were merrily cracking jokes was something to enjoy.

once we got the karts to ourselves, the adrenaline started pumping into our body. waiting for the final moment before the start flag was waved to you at 1:36 in the night, made you feel as if you are a formula 1 racer. once the race got started, my kart started skidding and screeching at every other sharp turn and at one turn my car skidded to one graceful 180 degree turn, and only then i realized its not so fun for the driver who is in the car, it is really an annoyance because you've been left behind. at another instance while i had just partially recovered from the unfortunate 90 degree skid, unluckily for me; i was rammed by a kart coming right behind mine, at really high speed. it caused some bad injury to my knee which struck some metalic part in the kart.

nothing so bad though, the injury is still reminding me of the wonderful midnight i had. i think i'm getting addicted to this thing and i'll be there again on next weekend.

saturdays and long drives!

saturdays are always great. the last day of the week. holiday!

but this saturday was really special for me. one of my closest buddy woke me from sleep and we went out to a long drive at sea view and had a great pizza in lunch.

my friend, she made me realize how important it is to love. also, after listening to what she had to say, my faith in blind love is reinforced.

so after meeting her, i feel so much better, cuz now i know i'm not the only crazy person alive here ...

Dido

i've been listening to dido's 'white flag' 'thank you' 'life for rent' and must admit these are the best songs i've come across lately.

"i drank too much last night, got bills to pay, my head just feels in pain
i missed the bus and there'll be hell today, i'm late for work again
and even if i'm there, they'll all imply that i might not last the day
and then you call me and it's not so bad, it's not so bad"

-- by dido.

absolutly love this part.

Never ending stories

when i was really young, a tv seriel: never ending stories was shown every thursday. the title song of that seriel still lingers in my head sometimes. and whenever that happens, i get gloomy. those were the good old days when i had nothing to worry about. now my life is full of responsibilities, worries, duties, and to look after so many other things.
times have changed, we all have grown up, but still sometimes i curl into a small ball when i go to my bed, and just think of my beautiful past.

farewell my past

leaving behind my studies, my books, my life, my soul... leaving behind myself.